Should Old Acquaintance Be Forgot

I have survived the holidays. Barely. This past week especially has kicked my ass. I cannot wait to return to my regularly scheduled programming of life. As much as I love to be adventurous and spontaneous, if I don’t have a routine to ground me, I suffer. Finding my way back to my life will be so healthy.

So, I kinda hate 2009. It could be because the last few months of 2008 really rattled me and beat me up. I feel like I’m starting the year off, not from a fresh and hopeful place, but from a space of being drained and uncertain. I’ll help to put this in perspective. This is what I wrote last year about 2008:

So, it's 2008 and right from the start, I can tell this year has a good vibe. I don't know what it is, but I can just FEEL it. A vibe of change, good change, and happiness and joy is so palpable to me. What's most amazing is how I have NO IDEA where this year will take me. Personally, professionally, physically and emotionally, I have NO CLUE! And that's fabulous. I really believe that, in life, there is a delicate balance of things happening the way they're supposed to (fate) along with effort and work in accomplishing tasks and goals. I don't think it's simply enough to sit back and say, "if it'll happen, then it'll happen" and then do nothing. Events and opportunities will go their natural course, if you let go and let them, but setting out to make something happen is positive too. Like I said, it's all about that balance. Personally, there are certain areas of my life that I know will happen the way they're supposed to. But I also won't give up on certain things unless I know they've been accomplished. At this moment, I feel like it's all about the adventure along the way, not the destination, although I can only wish the destination will be bliss.

Ummm, yeah. Not so much this year, huh?! But as Galatea so wisely told me a few months ago, when you bottom out, it can be a beautiful place to be. It’s from HERE one begins again.
I don’t believe in resolutions. I believe you only set yourself up for failure. I have some very specific goals I would like to achieve this year. I feel like I’ve lost track of parts of my life that used to define me, in my best ways. I also want to seize opportunities as they arise. Travel will happen. I want to focus on me. I don’t want to call it a reinvention, because I don’t want to change who I am, but rather get back to my best self. It’s re-prioritizing. This probably all sounds selfish, but I’m 25, single and living in a city. I have to take care of me. (And yes, I realize I have incredible support here and beyond and I’m never REALLY alone. I’m a very lucky gal.) Essentially what I want to get at here, is that I just don’t have any interest in men or relationships right now. I’m done. Such a waste of time right now. I really do have bigger and better things to concentrate on at the moment.
My New Years wish is for health, joy and strength. I wish all of you in Blogland the same and more.

(I also wait with baited breath for Obama to get in that White House! WOOT!)
I really hope to make it Fine in 09.

keepin it real-

ava