all the king's horses, all the king's men, somehow put ava together again

There are moments where I sit back in my life and Le Sigh. It’s been a rough couple of months but as Galatea just pronounced to me today, “I will no longer listen to anything you complain about. You’ve got it all.” To that I say, “Bitch is right.”

When your world crashes around you for one reason or another, you can’t help but step back, look at the wreckage and attempt to pick up the pieces. But for a time, you sit in the rubble and feel the loss of what you’ve built up. And slowly, you try to put your life together again, like Humpty Dumpty, but the fractures are there. Some pieces are missing or don’t fit, It seems like you’ll never feel whole again and you just aren’t what you used to be. Any other catastrophes that hit you shatter that fragile shell you tried to re-create around yourself and your left raw and exposed to the elements.

This was the point I had been at lately. And it was awful. And I felt alone. But the biggest lesson was that I wasn’t alone. Not at all. Not close. My friends near and far began to rebuild me. And I had to surrender to that and trust them to do so. I must have done something right in my life so far to be so lucky as to have people who would dig in and get to work on The Revitalizing Ava Project. And at some point, I became strong enough to rebuild myself and take the steps necessary to make myself all around more awesome.

Tonight Galatea and I had dinner with two dear friends. We ate a delicious meal, drank a lot of wine and laughed uproariously for hours. It was one of those nights where you look at the clock and it’s only 8:00 and the next minute it’s 11:00 and time for the good times to end. It’s nights like this when your friends leave and you almost cling to them in an embrace, trying to hold onto what you love most about them and what you just shared.

I sat back, took it in and knew, this is love.
I’m so in love with everyone who has had a hand in fixing me.
I can’t think of a better way to start a New Year…well, a Chinese New Year. Same thing. 

It’s all fabulous.

Onward and upward, hos-

little miss ava

oh9 can suck it

Well, kids. When it rains, it shit storms.
As Galatea mentioned this weekend, my stuff was stolen from the bar this weekend. Mind you, this is a bar I bartend at once a week. I mean, come on. The universe is out to get me or teach me some lesson. I don’t know what it is, but it sure is kicking my ass and taking a toll.

Here is one lesson I know for sure. I have the most amazing friends near and far. Whenever I have been down and out and something shitty happens, friends just scoop me up and work their magic. It’s the kind words, it’s the actions, it’s that feeling that they understand and even more than that, EMPATHIZE with it all. They don’t want me to fall. I am just so full of love because of them. I don’t know if anyone deserves this, but I’m certainly proud and blessed that I’m on the receiving end of it all.

In light of the less than stellar start to 2009, I have decided to really celebrate the Chinese New Year. January 26th. IT. IS. ON. By this time, our Main Man Obama will be in the White House and everything will be rainbows, cupcakes and a better economy. Right? HELL YEAH.

I don’t think I was approaching 2009 with the right mindset, mostly because I find New Years obnoxious, like Valentine’s Day or Sweetest Day. There is just so much hype for a clock to turn to midnight. Of course I understand the “fresh start” and “another year, another chance” aspect of it all. Quite frankly, I hope to spend one New Years at a yoga retreat (preferably in a tropical locale) in meditation when the clock strikes twelve. I know. How “Eat, Pray, Love” of me. But it’s true.
However, in Chicago, you cannot go out ANYWHERE without dropping at least $150 MINIMUM. For one night. Yeah. Ridonkulous. And if you’re in a relationship, the pressure is ON, my brotha. If you do not find the perfect place to ring in the new year with your girlfriend, who just bought a new skanky dress and heels (even if it is 20 degrees out, yeah, she is retarded) then it’s over. Well, it’ll be over after she scores her loot and boo-tay for Valentine’s Day. I’m guessing you’ll be done by February 21st if you fuck up New Years. Welcome to reasons number 26 and 27 of “Why Ava CHOOSES to be Single.” And why go through all of that when you can do a shot of Jameson with your “If We Were Lesbians…” friend, Faith, and share a petit smooch. Followed by looking at each other and saying, “this is bullshit” and chugging a glass of champagne. Word.

The point to my tirade? Because clearly I need to wrap this mess up. Well, I think you can have a fresh start anytime. You don’t need a sparkly ball to drop or confetti to fly for you to make a choice for change in your life. And you don’t need to be in a relationship with one person to be truly happy or to feel truly loved. Right now, I’ll take the love of many. There’s strength in numbers.

So, suck it 09. I’ve got friends, art and the upcoming Year of the Ox on my side!

Dear Galatea,

Find me THIS Sugar Daddy. ASAP.

kthanksloveyoubye!

shout out to G

Galatea is my rock, my love and one of the best friends a gal could have.

That just needed to be addressed.

Thank you and goodnight.

Snowflakes and boots-

ava