you ask, i tell

My friend James recently asked me to write a little summin summin about the following topic:

Why is it difficult to meet and mate in the city? What is the female perspective?

All right, James, here is what lil’ol’ Ava thinks. I believe that the city is the most powerful influence in this equation. We’re all in this urban jungle trying to survive. I love the city. I can’t imagine living in a place like the small Midwestern town for whence I came. But I’m not gonna lie and say it’s easy to live here. There’s a price you pay for living in a place surrounded by 2.8 million people. Shit, trying to get from point A to point B on le CTA can drive a sane person insane and the insane…well, they live on the 22 bus and/or the Red Line.

But I digress. My point is that most of us young people who move to a city whenever we can make a break for it are looking for some kind of excitement and adventure. To get married, buy a house in the hometown, and pop out some babies A.S.A.P. is N.O.T. an option. There is more out there and we want it, goddamnit!

This is where I’d like to address The City from the lens of a female. I never saw myself as a “career oriented” woman. Sure, I had different ambitions and ideas of what my career would be. But really, I’m a “blowin in the wind” kinda gal. When I moved to the city, however, suddenly, I’m in a job with a slew of possibilities. I have this “when opportunity knocks, grab it by the balls” mindset. I’m gonna get shit did. I feel empowered, intelligent and strong. This work life along with a group of fabulous gal pals and a social life, as well as being sure to make room for Ava Alone time begs the question: WHO HAS TIME FOR A BOYFRIEND? Whoa, Nelly! Let’s back this rant up to the topic of Finding a Guy.

A personal anecdote: When I first moved to Chicago, I was in a four year relationship. Less than six months after this move, the relationship was over. This has been called, “the most mutual of mutual breakups” and after a significant amount of time, my ex and I are friends. I mean, the breakup sucked, I did drop 10 pounds and felt a bit lost for a bit, but it was for the best. And thus, Single Ava was born (and there was much rejoicing). And I must be honest here. I love me single. I’m good at it. I’ve got this shit DOWN, ok? And the whole being free to be a skank isn’t even part of it (although occasional vacations to Shameless Ho Ville have been known to happen. Ooops.) I love that I am totally free to do what I need to do. I don’t answer to anyone. I love this. I enjoy nothing more than spending the entire day alone (especially in the summer) speaking only to someone when I need to order coffee or food. It’s cleansing. I savor this. Then again, that’s just me. I’m sure James would like to hear more of an all-womankind answer. Here it is. I’ll make it simple for the male reader out there.

CITY GIRLS=STRONG. INDEPENDENT.

We know what we want, when we want it, where we want it from and what to wear while we get it. And if we don’t, we fake it. Can’t tell? Of course you can’t. We're good.

I don’t have the track record with men like Galatea does. I’ve dated some fun guys. But I am usually left disappointed and disillusioned. Enter a girl’s best friends Bitter, Jaded, Cynical and Pint (Ice cream. Then beer.) God only knows why men treat us the way we do. On the other hand, maybe She doesn’t…Anyhow, I don’t have time to go into these theories. It makes me tired at this point. Suffice it to say, a lot of us girls have been treated like shit by a lot of you guys. This is truth. And I do NOT need to hear “but girls do it to guys too!” Suck it. I’m writing this. I’m no math whiz, but I believe this best represents the situation:

Guys hurting girls > Girls hurting guys

A+ Ava AND a gold star. You so smart. Based on this equation, we can deduce that at some point girls breakdown and then build up their walls. Not letting someone in becomes the game, and we have to be good at it. How many times can we put ourselves together again after someone either dents us with disappointment or causes us to crumble to the ground because they’ve broken our heart before we are no longer the girl we once were? Sometimes blocking the male species is soley for self-preservation. And we deserve that. If we don’t treat ourselves right, who will? Better yet, I’ll quote RuPaul, “If you don’t love yourself, how the HELL you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an amen?” Amen my mista sista.

Here it is, what I think it all boils down to.
We’re all getting over the last person.
We’re all a little lonely.

We’re all trying our best (except assholes and skankfaces. They suck at life).

But I like to think that sometimes, the stars align and two people are completely in the right place at the right time.
And then the spark happens…
Ha.

What? A girl can fantasize, can’t she?

I hope that helped, James! I hope people out there in Internets-land keep the conversation going.

Keepin It Real Cuz That's What Real Do-
La Ava