the DVR: A Tribute

This topic has been on my mind and in my heart for about a month or so and I must express my appreciation and wonder for the magical device, the DVR, for it has changed m'life.

Back in the old days. Prehistoric, ancient times of yore, I would find a show, enjoy it, watch it and make it my beeswax to be on the couch at that given time each week for my show. Either that or trust that I would catch a repeat airing. Dicey.

And then the DVR came into my life (otherwise known as calling Comcast and being like, "I want that DVR thing, in my house, attached to my TV. Kthanks.") And now, my life will never be the same.

*CAUTIONARY NOTE: Do not record daily programs like, "The Soup" or, "Chelsea Lately." You will not be able to catch up with them all and your DVR will be 84% full in two days. Record shows like that when you know a special guest will be on.

Also, treat your DVR like men. Discard them (shows) you find yourself not watching  and delete after viewing a program. Clear that shit up for the next one...show. Oh you know.

My DVR has provided me with:

1) FAST FORWARD THROUGH COMMERCIALS WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

2) Bret Michels and his Skanks of Love. But you already knew that, right?

3) Tough Love on VH1. Goddamnit I love that show.

4) The Housewives of New York City. (The OC Housewives, I would like to note, make me want to conduct a lobotomy on myself. I CANNOT EVEN WAIT for the Housewives of New Jersey. Holy Fuck. Also, for spot on hilarious recaps, check out Scented Glossy Magazine. Love that funny bitch.)

5) Sitcoms like "The Office" and "30 Rock"

6) Lifetime Movies. Oh fuck yeah. We need to talk about this.

I don't know how many of you out there watch Lifetime, TV for Women, but OMG yah should. Lifetime is currently bringing the immortal and epic tales of Nora Roberts to life. Done. Count me in. Where do I sign up? I'm there.

Last night, Galatea and I watched "Midnight Bayou" staring that chubby child star turned hottie boom bottie Jerry O'Connell. Lifetime's recap:

In the Nora Roberts movie "Midnight Bayou," Harvard-educated lawyer Declan Fitzpatrick (Jerry O'Connell) impulsively gives up his settled life to buy Manet Hall, a newly restored plantation manor near New Orleans to which he has always found himself drawn. Legend has it that the house is haunted, and shortly after Declan moves in he starts hearing voices and seeing things. Declan is also distracted by an undeniable attraction to Cajun local Lena Simone (Lauren Stamile), who grew up on the bayou with her grandmother Odette (Faye Dunaway) and has her own deep connection to the manor. Living in the house, Declan begins to have visions from a century past and details of events that took place in the mansion. With the help of Odette, Declan and Lena realize that they are inextricably linked with Manet Hall and uncover a shocking secret that has been hidden there for more than 100 years. (The "Midnight Bayou" movie is based on the Nora Roberts book title of the same name.

I mean, COME ON! How can you NOT watch? Twenty minutes into this, oh what's the right word what's the right word, MASTERPIECE, Gee and I were invested. To the point that we were shrieking, "what the FUUUUUUCK!" and, "Shut the FUCK up!" along with, "Noooooooooo waaaaaaayyyyy" and the classic, "YEAH! Makeoooooouuuuuut." In retrospect, there could've been at least two or three more sex scenes but whatever. O'Connell was hot and the story line was gold. 

The DVR is currently holding for me "Tribute" starring Brittany Murphy (yeah, where DID her career go, right?) and sex on a stick Jason Lewis, better known as Smith from "Sex and the City." Brittany looks like a hot mess but Jason looks like he should take advantage of me. YEAH I SAID IT.

People, I think we can all put money on the fact that I will be watching each and every one of these movies with a carton of cappuccino with chocolate chips frozen yogurt in my little hands.

Now, if only Lifetime would re-air "The Golden Girls" again, my DVR life would be complete.

DVR, oh sweet sweet DVR, what joy and mindlessness you bring me. I lurve you.

Anxiously awaiting the return of Mad Men-

A-to-the-VA